ASLH

22 • JUL • 22
11:15 PM – EA –
I am a piece of shit.

I don’t deserve them. Tonight, I opened the valve and let all the bullshit out. #NoFilter, which is classic me. I told Ly about rape. I told Ly about what my cousin did to me, in the broadest strokes, and I didn’t expect her to break right before me. She just broke and sobbed and I couldn’t make her stop. I hugged her but she wouldn’t stop crying. I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t think telling her about it would trigger her. I was hoping we could talk about it like it’s something from the distant past that I’ve successfully put behind me.

It turns out, it’s nothing worth celebrating.

She says it’s horrible, but the horror, for some reason, the horror never sank in with me. I froze in the middle of it and years passed without even crying about it. This is the first time I’ve ever cried about it. And it’s all because Ly cried for me.

I don’t deserve them. I’m such a piece of shit. I wish I’d screwed my mouth shut and kept details to myself. There are some things that you can’t just share to others, girl. Like I didn’t learn from Jane when I told her about Remi.

I am a piece of shit. I wish I can take all of it back. I triggered her and ruined her weekend.

I am a piece of shit.

I don’t deserve Ly. She didn’t deserve any of this. How dare I even ask to keep them?

I have to stop crying before Mar comes back to the office.