ASLH

21 • JUL • 22
10:46 PM – SV –
“I had to leave.”

Maybe I am just acting out, like a privileged and bratty millennial, but it is what it is. My passion for the field is slowly dying, and I feel like I am only being used. I feel that I give and dedicate so much and get so little guidance in return. It’s just not working for me anymore. I feel bullied by a system that does not hear us out. We are here to be used. The only reason I am staying here are the specimens. The cases we get here are one of a kind. That is about it. As a senior resident, I feel that I am being spread too thin, made to attend to so many matters that are not part of our job description, in the guise of “Laboratory Management Training.” It is loads of nonsense that my friends in other institutions find so laughable and pathetic. And when I stop to think about what’s keeping me from leaving, there are absolutely only two things: (1) the cases, as I’ve said; and (2) a sense of solidarity with my fellow residents who all equally want to quit, by the way. I just do not want to put them through hell by imposing on them the duties that I would leave behind. I have zero attachment for this institution, even for our consultants who I nevertheless deeply respect. I will hold no sentiments and no regrets, if I am ever made to start over in my training for pathology. What matters to me most in the moment is that I leave before this institution drains me of all passion. It’s nothing personal, so I really hope the consultants don’t blacklist me from the society of pathologists – or anything close to that, for this matter. But if I do end up in bad terms with them because of my exit, I would not hesitate to put myself first. The rest of my life is crashing and burning because of all the time and effort that I put into work. I would prefer to take time off trying to attend to the rest of my life’s affairs and take myself back before I lose everything all because of a job that I am no longer happy with.