ASLH

13 _^• JUL _^• 2022
6:40 PM – EA –
“Where people can see.”

I got a text message from Marcus earlier today. He wanted to know why I haven’t been to the office lately, cause the mess I’d left by the chaise was not going to clean itself. That’s right.

Aww, my brother misses me. 🥰

Try to bribe me with Roman and I might just drop by ….next week..

The truth is that I miss the office. I miss the jumbotron, and I miss studying with unlimited mochi, spam onigiri and Martin’s famous grilled steak. The problem is that I can’t. Marcus has a black belt in taek-fucking-wondo and I am not about to get dropkicked to the ground when any of them catches these marks.

Never mind the meaningful glances from Yuri or the pretentious indifference of Shu (who actually knows everything for the record). I just cannot find it in me to face my brother, knowing that I am pulling things behind his back. I know I am digging a much bigger hole here, and when I think about it, he would probably be the first person I would run to if shit hits the fan.

I hope it never comes to that.

Unlike my brother who brings strange randos over, I go to Remi. It is what it is. I wish there was another place for me to worship, but at the moment, in this time of weakness, I feel empowered around him. And as much as I itch to find out more about his life, the threat of losing what I share with him is too great. He can do whatever he wants, but that is only because self-control is pretty much his super power.

And I don’t even dare think about him as anything more than a temple that I visit at night and pray to in the dark.

Our superiors like to run us through the wringer each day and it would have me barreling through anything around the laboratory. These days though, I touch the dip between my clavicles and play with the chain around my neck. I do it whenever I feel upset and hurt and I remember who this body belongs to – where home is. It takes so little to calm me down now. At this point, I am sure to lose it if the tie is cut, which is why I stay away from the office as much as possible.

Arranged marriage sucks. I have given up on Roman. But willingly offering myself to Remi – a semblance of ownership over my being – strangely assures me that everything will be all right. I see him almost every other night. That is how needy I am and not once has he declined. Last night, he had some paperwork on the desk and a laptop that was open to a bunch of numbers. All I know is that he types f a s t and probably works an office job, almost like me, except he probably makes hundreds and thousands more, given the few D&G’s I’ve seen around.

How am I supposed to not notice small details that I see? I do not intend to search for more clues about his identity, though.

I just wish he would stop leaving marks… at least in places where people can see.