ASLH

I asked for a plot twist and it was given. Do I need another one?

That shift from over-eager beginner resident in pathology to exhausted and overworked still-beginner one happened too fast. I was never quite at home in this place, not as much as I was as a junior intern at another hospital then, but I had constant company, Subi always watching my back and making sure that I was well put together. Sure, the load is significantly less taxing to my body, but I had so much to look forward to then, life was more of a puzzle with endless possibilities, despite the same routine, the same people and pretty much the same challenges. I still feel like a stranger in an office full of others who have known each other since they were children.

Perfect. That’s what Ciel would tell me.

But I miss being a part of something much greater than myself.

So earlier tonight, long after another boringly mundane eight to five in my cubicle and passing between semi-consciousness and vibrating from a glass black coffee too soon after a caffeine pill – despite having only two hours of sleep the night before – I caught my fingers dialling Shu’s number.

I’ve gotta say that it was the best decision I’ve made all week.

The conversation started with the why’s and the are you okay’s in a background of two familiar voices (Jim and Roy) yelling and arguing over some Marco’s next move. The conversation instantly brought me back to a time in 2016 and pointed me to a realisation that I’ve been unwillingly thrown into all sorts of unimaginable shitshows while Shu’s dealt with the very same crap since I’ve made an exit. One look in his eyes and I know he hasn’t changed.

Steadfast.

It’s a truly admirable trait. I would go nuts, to be honest. Then again, that’s just me. My brother, Martin, Oli – pretty much everyone’s settled in. I’m the odd ball here, who can’t stay in one place. It all started when I thought I’d stick it out with my then-high school best friend through a pre-med course, graduated with honours, finished medicine and topped the board examinations. My life was pretty much set – it was, supposed to be – if not for my own self doubt and persistent what-ifs, hence my deliberate diversions from my intended path.

I keep dipping my toes into the possibility of ditching everything to join Marcus in his company and surround myself instead with everyone who make me feel the most at home. The night before I applied for a full-time job at the hospital, I sent a note to my brother, telling him that I will reconsider his proposition once I finish residency and earned a diplomate degree – like a fucking Plan B. Being the dearest brother that he is though, he sent me flowers the next day, wished me the best at my new job and told me to demolish anyone who dares to stand in the way of my goals with a promise that he’d shred them to pieces himself if they manage to stay alive.

Shu was obviously working in his computer cause it was the camera on his laptop when he picked up. He put a folder down, which was in the way of his elbow when he repositioned himself to face the rest of the office, the glass windows with my favourite city night view now right behind him. There appeared to be some kind of scar near his brow which was not there before, but ‘I got it last year’ was all the explanation I got from him. Clear as day, it was a bad memory and it’s a topic he’d very much rather skip.

Okay. I’ll ask Marcus some other time.

The thing about Shu is that he doesn’t pry. It’s drawn me to him, even in the past. When my brother wouldn’t shut up, his rage was quiet. When Oli giggled, he huffed until the urge to laugh was gone. The video call blended with the rest of my desktop like he was part of the background. He still understood that all I need sometimes is company – virtual at least. Quiet afternoons spent in his office while we both worked independently were not an option at the moment, after all. Obsessive workaholics with a preference for ambient sound frequencies brought us together then and for the first time in four years, we were back at it.